Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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