shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
