matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
