It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
