He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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