I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
