i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Blood and glitter go together right?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
