Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
