You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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