If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
