OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
