Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
