I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
