This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
