we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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