i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
