he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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