what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
