And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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