oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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