So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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