Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
