Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
