it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
