Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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