that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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