If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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