Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
