I'm gonna have a badass scar
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
