She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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