I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
