I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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