Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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