Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
