after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
