If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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