sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
