I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
