i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
