Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
