Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
