it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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