They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
two words: eviction party
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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