dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
