Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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