My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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