How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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