You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
