Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
