well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
