So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
