Fine. I'll sleep in my office
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Even my vagina gasped.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
