I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
