i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
