Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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