i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
