I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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