Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
do nipples grow back?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
